As my with sharp eyes like I

As time passes we are seen differently and treated differently as to what our  characteristics are as they help define us. In a spectrum of society there are two extremes an extrovert and an introvert. An introvert is a person who is for the most part a shy and reticent person.”I said in front of the crowd , they looked at my with sharp eyes like I was their prey as if they were on a mission tonight.As I continued speaking, I began to stutter and tripping over my words and my hands began to shake and my legs began trembling, as I took a sip of water and the cold running down my oesophagus, I tried looking for five things I can touch, four things I can see, three things I can smell and one thing I can taste. These points meant to help you stay grounded but right now they weren’t as I took a step back and left the stage apologizing to the people backstage but i couldn’t be there. The opportunity that i had gotten was amazing but, i didn’t know why but i couldn’t be there all of this was overwhelming me in more ways that i could imagine. It was like there was this pressure in me to do well and to make everyone around me happy and content that i forgot about myself and i let myself slip. I could’ve backed out but, at the same time that didn’t feel like an option that was available for me. All of this felt like a cliche that you would probably find in a movie, you know the ones with the happy endings and a prince charming but, my story doesn’t end this way, I haven’t gotten to the end yet but, i just know it doesn’t. My story started a few years ago but, it feels like its just starting from the moment i woke up today, i had that gut feeling that it wasn’t going to be a good day. i was scared and today of all days i felt the most timid and like the entire world was going against me, this didn’t go well for me as i spent the entire day panicking for reasons that i couldn’t explain.  All of this added up to me not being able to communicate properly throughout the entire day as i kept running and stuttering over my words, which wasn’t a plus for me. As the day went on i started panicking more because of the speech i had to give tonight, that darned speech, that was the cause of this darned day. As i remembered the activities i had done throughout the day  as i went out into the cold to look for a taxi that could take me to my favourite coffee shop in Hell’s Kitchen. The coffee shop is called “Mon Chéri” which means my darling in french, it’s my favourite coffee shop because when I first moved to New York i went inside on a cold winter day and something about this reminded me of home, maybe it was the overread books stacked messily in various bookshelf or the artwork that covered its walls with rough drawings stuck with tape. As I sat down in a table next to a drawing of a girl sitting in a bench as i drink my hot chocolate while listening to “For the first time” by Mac Demarco, i reflect upon my day wishing it would slow down to give me time to breathe a little. 

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I'm Eleanor!

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